It’s a little like getting married. I mean the ceremony, the life changing, the name stuff, the new way of looking at things, it is a little like getting married. This may be why I feel like I want to talk about it with my friends, bring it up in conversation, find ways to connect it to the rest of my real life.
I am beginning to suspect my friends are losing patience with all the Orthodox talk. At one point a friend actually responded in that “kidding” voice, “yeah yeah, we all know you’re becoming Orthodox, we get it.”
This shouldn’t bother me but it does anyway.
It occurs to me that perhaps I have been talking about it a lot. Mostly I’m looking for someone to bounce things off of, to make sure I’m not falling into some kind of cult like behavior. To be truthful, looking at the Orthodox faith from modern culture it IS strange. The word I keep using in regard to my conversion is “humbling” and that’s usually paired with “submission.” As a moderate feminist that is a scary descriptive right there. Women have been pounded to be “submissive” since Eve took a bite of that damned apple in my estimation and we’ve been battling it ever since. Am I seriously going to sign up for this denomination that requires submission of me? that won’t allow women as priests?
It’s different from the inside. Talking with women on the inside, smart women…artists, mothers, career women, freespirits, individuals, straight talkers….it’s different from the inside. They don’t seem to be “stepford” in the least as far as I can tell.
And yet it’s hard to convince my non-Orthodox leaning friends and then I think, ‘why am I trying to convince them?’ This thought being replaced then immediately with “what am I trying to convince myself of?”