anchoring…

It seems as though everything is moving all the time like the sea is moving even when the wind has stopped, everything is in motion.

I confess I’m one of those people who wakes up and checks her smart phone. I’d love to say I wake up and I pray first or I work out or I go for a walk but I don’t, I check my phone.

This is the part where a number of my friends and mentors will tell me that is a terrible habit. My priest told me this only a couple of weeks ago. Their concern isn’t motivating enough I guess because I haven’t changed my priorities. I haven’t even tried.

There are some battles I just don’t feel like fighting. I KNOW it’s a bad habit just as I know that I drink too much coffee, that I let my mind wander too much when I’m driving, that I ought to spend more time cooking or cleaning or writing or something.

There is no real reason I check my phone first. It’s not as if I expect some grand thing has happened. I don’t get much from it by way of pleasure although I must get SOMETHING or I’d have stopped by now, surely.

Lately though, I stare at my phone and I admit, I’m bored. Nothing new on email, no new comments on my blog, no interesting social media news I’d missed. I stare at my phone and I think, “I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.”

Today, I prayed. I prayed because I didn’t know what else to do. I was bored or depressed or both. I prayed. I have an app for that, you know. It was quick, just a few minutes, quotidian, like brushing my teeth or washing my face. It was good, not earth shattering but maybe the start of some new habit. I don’t know.

The world is in constant motion. I think Orthodoxy might be the anchor I need on this choppy sea. I hope so.