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When I’m away from Liturgy I miss it, like being in the habit of getting to the gym on a regular schedule and then finding that space empty. In the moment, it’s right, my hacking cough could not possibly be a comfort to anyone standing in church with me but I always question myself as I lay there in bed while my church family gathers. I mark the time, thinking, now comes the trisagion, now the mysteries, now the dismissal…

I try to explain to my children the loss when I don’t make it to Liturgy but they don’t know it yet, maybe they’ll never know it. But maybe they will, when they are on their own, living their lives and noticing something absent. 

When I’m away from Liturgy, I feel that lacking and I take that as a good sign, overall. 

Today, I’ll attend to my hacking cough and throbbing sinuses.